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actual-ironman-tonystark:

queerqueensansa:

postllimit:

mom: hey *dad’s name* oh whoops i mean *brother’s name* oh no *sister’s name* i mean *name of the family goldfish* ah shoot i meant *your name* can you get down here really quick i need something

my dad has literally called me by his own name. 

my mother has called me our cats name who has been dead for five years

multiple times

(via cryokineticwolfies)

kyary:

do you like money?

¥£$

(via cryokineticwolfies)

dangering:

dangering:

what if cows moaned when you milked them

im so lonely

(Source: armadillo, via cryokineticwolfies)

cumaddict72:

chekhov:

So this hot substitute logged into netflix and I wrote down the email with which he did it and used a service (it cost like $2) to find all other accounts connected to that email and I found his (private) twitter so I made a fake twitter of a hot girl and added a bunch of tweets over the course of a month to make it look legit and then I requested to follow him and he let me and he is the most goddamn boring person in the world

you need to be arrested

(via cryokineticwolfies)

iwishlilbwasmygrandpa:

Popping bottles in the ice, like a lizard. When we drink we do it right, with a lizard.

(Source: swagonmydick4000000000, via cryokineticwolfies)

(Source: pineappleofeden, via toukoaozaki)

prufrockslovesong:

naturallybohemian:

This motivated me to study. Thanks tiny cactus.

THE TINY CACTUS IS BACK

prufrockslovesong:

naturallybohemian:

This motivated me to study. Thanks tiny cactus.

THE TINY CACTUS IS BACK

(Source: tastefullyoffensive, via lifeisntaseasyasyouthink)

drunkdilf:

isn’t it weird to think that most people you know had sex? that cute old lady sitting next to you on the bus? prob choked on a dick at one point in her life

(Source: cyberho, via lifeisntaseasyasyouthink)

like-vanilla:

slightly-bovverd:

thedapper-dyke:

If by ‘fuck the police’ you mean fuck the corrupt, prejudiced, racist system then yes, fuck the police, but if you mean fuck the police for stopping you from smoking weed and getting away with illegal behaviour then no, fuck you.

But what if I mean “I wish to have intercourse with that man in uniform”

then fuck the police

(Source: stayproud-littleowl, via cryokineticwolfies)

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